Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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