She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
