I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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