the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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