Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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