no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
