Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
