We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
