I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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