i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
