It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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