He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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