The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
