i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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