just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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