I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
