yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
