I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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