He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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