I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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