Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
