i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
