I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
