People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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