When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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