Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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