can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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