you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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