...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
