So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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