my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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