Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
