I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
sick fucks of a feather flock together
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
