i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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