Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
