I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
