i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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