Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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