U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
