Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
