so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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