Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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