so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
