I think im going to throw up on grandma
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
