If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
