I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
