dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
