I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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