we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
