chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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